*Update: 8.5 months later, I'm finally recovered from giving birth! Wahoo. I had to go to a specialist and it was a pain (literally), but we figured out the problem, and I'm all better! Email me if you want to know details. TMI for the blog!
Because half the people in my life are either trying to get pregnant, pregnant, just had a miscarriage, or just had a baby, the whole baby thing is on my mind (duh. I just had a baby). Sorry if this sounds like a negative post and sorry for ranting, but I just have to bring something up. I really don't want to talk about it, but let's talk about it. But not. You know how it's okay to talk about all the gross pregnancy things? Like throwing up. It's disgusting. But ask me, and I'll tell you a hundred different crazy stories of when I threw up (after all, I threw up for all 9 months). People talk about all the horrible and gross pregnancy symptoms. No problem. They talk about their labor/delivery. No problem. Why does no one talk about the recovery?! The thing is though, I don't want to either. It's embarrassing and seems inappropriate and I just don't talk about it. But it's unfortunate because I had no idea. I was not expecting to still be in pain three and a half months later. I wasn't expecting the symptoms I'm having…but I don't want to bring it up for the reasons listed above PLUS I don't want to seem like a wimp. No one would think you were wimpy or weak for being sick while you're pregnant, but complain about pain three months after you have a baby, and you're a wimp. Or at least that's how I feel. What I want to know is, is this abnormal or is it just something that people don't talk about?! My doctor made is seem like it was abnormal. I walked away feeling like maybe I was just making the whole thing up. But I'm not. And maybe my doctor doesn't know everything. And maybe I'm not the only one? Don't get me wrong. It's worth it. I'll do it again, and again (but maybe not again after that…we'll see). I love my baby girl more than anything, so yes, it's worth it. And I am grateful that I had a vaginal delivery. I really enjoyed my labor and delivery. I got a huge sense of accomplishment from pushing her out. It was an amazing experience, and I would do it again, except I'm pretty sure that was the cause of all my problems. So now I'm thinking maybe I want to do a c-section next time. But I feel like people look down on you for having one if you don't REALLY need one…and I've heard the recovery is worse from that (but really, is it? I'm kind of thinking it can't be). Anyway. This is way personal, and I feel dumb for blogging about it, and kind of hate that I'm doing it. But I really am just curious. Am I the only one?! And to all those about to have babies, sorry to scare you, but just want to throw that out there. Don't EXPECT to be perfectly recovered after six weeks like they say. Maybe you will be, and that's great if you are, but don't have any expectations like I did because rarely do things work out just the way you pictured.
Because half the people in my life are either trying to get pregnant, pregnant, just had a miscarriage, or just had a baby, the whole baby thing is on my mind (duh. I just had a baby). Sorry if this sounds like a negative post and sorry for ranting, but I just have to bring something up. I really don't want to talk about it, but let's talk about it. But not. You know how it's okay to talk about all the gross pregnancy things? Like throwing up. It's disgusting. But ask me, and I'll tell you a hundred different crazy stories of when I threw up (after all, I threw up for all 9 months). People talk about all the horrible and gross pregnancy symptoms. No problem. They talk about their labor/delivery. No problem. Why does no one talk about the recovery?! The thing is though, I don't want to either. It's embarrassing and seems inappropriate and I just don't talk about it. But it's unfortunate because I had no idea. I was not expecting to still be in pain three and a half months later. I wasn't expecting the symptoms I'm having…but I don't want to bring it up for the reasons listed above PLUS I don't want to seem like a wimp. No one would think you were wimpy or weak for being sick while you're pregnant, but complain about pain three months after you have a baby, and you're a wimp. Or at least that's how I feel. What I want to know is, is this abnormal or is it just something that people don't talk about?! My doctor made is seem like it was abnormal. I walked away feeling like maybe I was just making the whole thing up. But I'm not. And maybe my doctor doesn't know everything. And maybe I'm not the only one? Don't get me wrong. It's worth it. I'll do it again, and again (but maybe not again after that…we'll see). I love my baby girl more than anything, so yes, it's worth it. And I am grateful that I had a vaginal delivery. I really enjoyed my labor and delivery. I got a huge sense of accomplishment from pushing her out. It was an amazing experience, and I would do it again, except I'm pretty sure that was the cause of all my problems. So now I'm thinking maybe I want to do a c-section next time. But I feel like people look down on you for having one if you don't REALLY need one…and I've heard the recovery is worse from that (but really, is it? I'm kind of thinking it can't be). Anyway. This is way personal, and I feel dumb for blogging about it, and kind of hate that I'm doing it. But I really am just curious. Am I the only one?! And to all those about to have babies, sorry to scare you, but just want to throw that out there. Don't EXPECT to be perfectly recovered after six weeks like they say. Maybe you will be, and that's great if you are, but don't have any expectations like I did because rarely do things work out just the way you pictured.
Well I may not have a baby in the near future but this was interesting insight big time. I'm sure you're not the only one at all. I think people are rarely alone in their trials. I'm sure with a little research and/or a second opinion you will feel more comforted. Hope you feel 100% soon girl.
ReplyDelete-Eva E.
I just wrote a long comment, but blogger doesn't like me and deleted it. I'm sorry you're having trouble, and I agree that nobody gets you ready for the aftermath. I had trouble after both my kids. Find a doctor who will help you. I had some telling me I was making it up, or it was in my head, but I wasn't making it up that my gallbladder completely quit working, nor that I have a hernia, and GERD and my esophagus is badly damaged and causes a lot of pain, even though doctors and nobody else could see the pain.
ReplyDeleteWe did tests after tests and finally found that my gallbladder had just died. There's a high correlation between pregnancy and gallbladder disease. I have a couple friends who had theirs out after pregnancy.
And, there are weird things like wetting your pants (I seriously thought I could never leave the house for weeks) and I bled for months. I tore as bad as you can, then got a bladder infection so it took for.e.ver to heal. I remember thinking, why did nobody warn me?? Yuck. Everybody is different, but I hope you can find some answers.
Hmm... I definitely don't think you sound like a wimp - considering you are STILL in pain. And I do think it's abnormal to be in pain for this long, even with moderate tearing. Is it tmi to ask if you tore severely with Ellery? This happened to a girl I know and it took her over a year to feel "normal" down there again. Recovery can be long and I second Eva's comment - research some, get a second opinion. It's probably more common than you realize... I hope you feel better soon. And seriously - if you want to call/hang out or have cabin fever as bad as I do let's do it.
ReplyDeleteI think people don't talk about it because all the reasons you mentioned. You are not alone. I didn't feel good down there at 6 weeks and going to the bathroom was stil an ordeal. I should have better prepared you as your visiting teacher but I didn't want to scare you and Michelle. Post partum is so real, I speak from experience. It gets better I promise but it takes time.
ReplyDeleteI'm still recovering from Thomas! And he's over 18 months now. It's tough, and really really really not fun, and a trial if your marriage isn't strong also. Steve's been super understanding, so be open to Clay. Tell him EVERYTHING! Pain is not good and you shouldn't suffer silently. I found out that I have other problems (not because I had Thomas) that make things difficult, but childbirth sure didn't help any! Let me know if you need anything! Love you!
ReplyDeleteOh my, I about teared up reading this--I felt EXACTLY the same way after I had my first!!! I was SO flipping mad that no one told me how bad it was! Granted that I did have a serious issue that took two months to discover (recto-vaginal fistula), but I went through two months of having doctor's tell me it was nothing--that I was a slow healer--that I just had a yeast infection--etc. I was so mad because I was in terrible pain and nobody seemed to care. After I saw a specialist and two surgeries later, I was finally on the mend--this being four months postpartum. I remember wishing that I had had a c-section with my first and subsequently now have to have c-sections with all my other kids (Sam and Alex were c-sections). Yes, the surgery is no fun and the recovery is hard, but you actually heal and feel better after six weeks (baring no complications). I prefer a c-section to a vaginal delivery any day, but that's because I had a bad vaginal birth. Other woman I know swear by natural births. Every woman is different and every delivery is different. Please feel free to call me via FaceTime if you ever need to vent. I can completely relate to you and would love to chat it up. When I was going through my ordeal, I kept asking Jared why I had to go through this. He said it was probably so that I could empathize and help others who have to go through it too. Give me a call.
ReplyDeleteI think you're totally right, Kara, that recovery is not talked about as much as it should be. I feel like I was lucky because my Mom had a truly horrific first pregnancy/delivery/recovery so she warned me about some possibilities. I would say I had a middle-of-the-road recovery from a physical standpoint -- I stopped bleeding around 6 weeks but I also had a uterine infection and repeated bladder infections until about the 6 month mark. Emotionally it was even more difficult because I had postpartum depression. I think others have left wise comments about some things you could do in terms of seeking a second opinion -- anytime a doctor makes me feel like I am making something up, I usually feel it is time to find a more compatible doctor! In my experience, time just helps a lot. By the time Addison was 9 months I was in a much better place physically and mentally. I haven't had a C-section, so I can't speak to a personal comparison, but I do know that repeated C-sections are generally considered more dangerous than repeated vaginal births so that is something to consider depending on how many kids you would like to have. I know people who didn't have c-section complications with the first but did with subsequent because of scar tissue, etc. Anyway, I'm just sending good vibes your way -- no matter how much we love our kids, it is tough on so many levels!
ReplyDeleteI didn't read the comments above, but as you probably know recovery is different for everyone and for each pregnancy. I was lucky because my recovery was quick with all 3. My sister still has pelvic pain and her baby (her 3rd) is 15 months old (she had a twisted pelvis when she was pregnant). Never feel embarrassed to ask your doctor questions. Of course you don't know what to expect, you've never done this before. If he/she makes you feel dumb at all, find a new doctor because of all the doctors you should feel comfortable around, I figures the OB/GYN is the one!
ReplyDeleteI'm totally with you. It shouldn't be something that we are afraid to discuss. My recovery sucked and it took my by surprise. What are your symptoms? And can I just say that my doctor is retarded and I want a new one--his practice is way too big and he just doesn't have any compassion for patients it seems. He was always making me feel dumb. And can I just say who in the world wants to have sex after the 6 week mark? I am 6 months out and it is still painful. I want answers too!
ReplyDeleteHi, I am a friend of Ariane and Kari. My first recovery was AWFUL! I hurt for months! I didn't know what was normal (cause I've never been through it before). I thought i was just having a long, hard, recovery. When I went to my next well women appointment, 7 months after I had the baby. My Dr. found a vaginal cyst that needed a quick surgery. After that I felt SO much better. The dr. said it was most likely from the trauma of delivery. My second baby was a piece of cake, I had a super easy recovery! I have 5 kids now and each recovery is a little different but NEVER was it like my 1st. I think once the way has been "paved" it makes it easier the next time. I just had a baby before you, she was 9 lbs 13 oz and she was my EASIEST recovery. I went natural with no meds. It made recovery and everything so much easier. Find a dr. who will listen to you. Check all your options and do what is best for you. I was scared to deliver another baby after my first and am glad I had a repeat vaginal birth. Good luck to you, I hope they find answers to what is causing your problems!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for showing me the reality of how births are! I have never heard about these sorts of things so I'm really grateful for your honesty and insight about your experience! Thank you for sharing, girl! And when the time comes, I'm gonna have a LOT of questions for you!! Love you girl! One day at a time, you'll get better and better!
ReplyDeleteI know you don't know me...I blogstalk you cuz I know Clay, but I just wanted to say I feel for you. Thanks for bringing this up. It made me realize that maybe I should go to the doctor and ask about some stuff too. Just to throw this out there tho...I had 2 c-sections and weirdly enough it can mess you up down there too! I don't know why? Anyways, just so you aren't surprised if you do it that way next time.
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